hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
