On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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