thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
