In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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