Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
