he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
