i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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