at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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