Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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