Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
