nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
