1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
