listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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