I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
