You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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