he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize