in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
COCAINE IS GR8
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
