He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
