Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
