uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
