it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
