It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
