I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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