my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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