whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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