UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
