Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
it's great music for shaving your balls
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
