there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
