You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
