So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize