Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
