My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
