this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
