Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize