You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
