I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
