I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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