in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
