guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
