i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
