flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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