I will die if light touches me.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
