I'm lost and stupid without you.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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