That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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