He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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