shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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