i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize