Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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