Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
