Can Purell be used as lube?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
