I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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