I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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