and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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