OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
