If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
