I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
