I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
