We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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