____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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