I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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