dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
