You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
