My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
