I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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