considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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