I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
