Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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