Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
