I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
