I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
