Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
