And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
