I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
