He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
