:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
