dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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